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Taglines / Sayings

  • 2008-06-21: Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
  • 2006-10-03: Some people are like Slinkys. They're really good for nothing, but they make you smile when you push them down the stairs.
  • 2006-09-21: 47.2% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  • 2006-07-05: Some people are like slinkies ...
    Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
  • 2006-06-26: A god's idea of amusement: A game of Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.
  • 2006-03-23: Cats teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
  • 2006-03-23: Cats aren't clean; they're just covered with cat spit.
  • 2006-03-23: Cats are living proof that eating and sleeping all day isn't bad.
  • 2006-01-12: Programmer's Rules:
    • Discipline is the best tool.
    • Design first, then code.
    • Don't patch bugs out, rewrite them out.
    • Don't test bugs out, design them out.
    • If you don't understand it, you can't program it.
  • 2005-10-27: Things to do before I die:
    1) Achieve immortality.
    All other things can wait.
  • 2005-07-06: Age gracefully? Never! Party to the end.
  • 2005-03-26: Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me ... oops ... never mind, I didn't see your sign."
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Glibido: All talk and no action.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
  • 2005-03-01: Washington Post's Style Invitational 2003 Winner:

    Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and a jerk.
  • 2004-11-01: Others can stop you temporarily, only you can do it permanently.
  • 2004-10-25: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
  • 2004-07-24: If Linux doesn't have the solution, you have the wrong problem.
  • 2004-07-12: Behind every rich family is a big crime.
  • 2004-07-11: Necro-Pedo-Hydro-Homo-Pyro-Bestiality with Bondage.
    Having fun with dead young animals of the same sex while tied down underwater, and then setting them on fire.
  • 2004-06-24: Remember to pillage before you burn!
  • 2004-06-15: A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man saying nonsense to others.
  • 2004-06-07: An honest politician: One who stays bought.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    The patient refused autopsy.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    The patient has no previous history of suicides.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    She is numb from her toes down.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    The skin was moist and dry.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circussized.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
  • 2004-06-03: Actual comment found in a patient's hospital chart:
    Skin: somewhat pale but present.
  • 2004-06-03: Internet Explorer: Patch me if you can ...
  • 2004-05-27: No, I will not fix your computer.
  • 2004-05-27: 10 PRINT "Home"
    20 PRINT "Sweet"
    30 GOTO 10
  • 2004-05-27: You know you're an engineer if you have no life and can prove it mathematically.
  • 2004-05-27: We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?
  • 2004-05-27: The ozone layer or cheese in a spray can.
    Don't make me choose.
  • 2004-05-27: Press any key ...
    No, no no! Not that one!
  • 2004-05-27: Make it idiot-proof, and someone will make a better idiot.
  • 2004-05-27: If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
  • 2004-05-27: I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet its hard to pronounce.
  • 2004-05-27: Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
  • 2004-05-27: Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
  • 2004-05-27: Department of Redundancy Department.
  • 2004-05-27: Dain bramaged.
  • 2004-05-27: Chaos! Panic! Disaster!
    (My work here is done.)
  • 2004-05-27: C:\WINDOWS
    C:\WINDOWS\GO
    C:\PC\CRAWL
  • 2004-05-27: Blessed are the geeks, for they shall internet the Earth.
  • 2004-05-27: Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Never drink & derive.
  • 2004-05-27: 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
  • 2004-05-26: There's no place like 127.0.0.1.
  • 2004-02-14: The only thing that Microsoft could ever make that wouldn't suck would be vacuum cleaners.
  • 2004-02-13: A darkroom is not the best place to develop a reputation.
  • 2004-02-13: A diamond is just a lump of coal that didn't crack under the pressure.
  • 2004-02-13: A dog is a dog except when he is facing you. Then he is Mr. Dog.
  • 2004-02-13: Admiration (n): Polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
  • 2004-02-13: A husband who gets breakfast in bed is usually in the hospital.
  • 2004-02-13: A hush fell over the courtroom, injuring six.
  • 2004-02-13: A Jack-of-all-trades is master of none.
  • 2004-02-13: A job is nice to have, but it interferes with my computer time.
  • 2004-02-13: A job worth doing is worth doing well.
  • 2004-02-13: A kleptomaniac is a man who just can't help helping himself.
  • 2004-02-13: A knowledge of Sanskrit is of little use to a man trapped in a sewer.
  • 2004-02-13: Adore (n): What fills adoorway.
  • 2004-02-13: As far as I know, my computer has never had an undetected error.
  • 2004-02-10: There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those that know binary and those that don't.
  • 2004-01-28: Makeup (n.) - Lipstick, eyeliner, blush, etc., which ironically make Mom look better while making her young daughter look cheap.
  • 2004-01-28: A cure for apathy? Why bother?
  • 2003-12-30: A cat's worst enemy is a closed door.
  • 2003-12-30: A centipede is an inchworm that has switched to the metric system.
  • 2003-12-30: A chicken ain't nothin' but a bird.
  • 2003-12-30: A chicken doesn't stop scratching just because the worms are scarce.
  • 2003-12-30: A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
  • 2003-12-30: A click-click here, a click-click there, here a click, there a click, everywhere a double-click...
  • 2003-12-30: A computer does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
  • 2003-12-30: A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.
  • 2003-12-30: A cross? A crucifix? Oy, vey, have you got the wrong vampire!
  • 2003-12-15: UN*X is sexy!
    who | grep -i blond | date; cd ~; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime; umount; sleep
  • 2003-12-06: A cat could easily be man's best friend, but would never stoop to it.
  • 2003-11-28: A book worth banning is a book worth reading.
  • 2003-11-28: A boy becomes a man when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
  • 2003-11-28: A bug is a feature that didn't make it into the manual.
  • 2003-11-28: A bunch of bunnies hopping backwards: a receding hare line.
  • 2003-11-28: A burger shy of a Happy Meal.
  • 2003-11-28: A butterfly is a self-propelled flower.
  • 2003-11-28: A can short of a six pack.
  • 2003-11-28: A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
  • 2003-11-28: A caribou by any other name is still a big 'ol hairy deer looking thing.
  • 2003-11-28: A cat is always on the wrong side of the door.
  • 2003-11-28: A cat will go "quack!" if you squeeze it hard enough.
  • 2003-11-27: Help stamp out and abolish redundancy and repetition.
  • 2003-11-27: Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac; you can always take something for it.
  • 2003-11-27: A Freudian slip may be revealing, but a Jungian slip is just a mythstak.
  • 2003-11-27: A gun is inanimate, therefore it can not cause crime.
  • 2003-11-27: A Life!? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?
  • 2003-11-27: A Mogwai is simply a highly evolved Tribble!
  • 2003-11-27: A Boy Scout is never lost. Misplaced, perhaps, but never lost.
  • 2003-11-27: A tagline a day keeps a life away.
  • 2003-11-27: A Wise man once said, "My name is Wise."
  • 2003-11-27: A bad case of cranial intrusion into the rectal cavity.
  • 2003-11-27: A bad peace is even worse than a war.
  • 2003-11-27: A bad plan is better than no plan at all.
  • 2003-11-27: A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1 ...
  • 2003-11-27: A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist.
  • 2003-11-27: A bean supper will be held in the church basement. Music will follow.
  • 2003-11-27: A beautiful theory, killed by a nasty, ugly, little fact.
  • 2003-11-27: A big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere.
  • 2003-11-27: A bigot will not reason, a fool cannot, a slave dare not.
  • 2003-11-27: A billion here, a billion there, soon it is real money.
  • 2003-11-27: A bit is the increment by which programmers slowly go mad.
  • 2003-10-27: If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
  • 2003-10-18: Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer.
  • 2003-10-18: The only thing more dangerous than a hardware guy with a code patch is a programmer with a soldering iron.
  • 2003-10-18: A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
  • 2003-10-18: A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
  • 2003-10-18: ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
  • 2003-10-18: Parkinson's Law: Data expands to fill the space available for storage.
  • 2003-10-18: Greer's Third Law of Computing: A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
  • 2003-10-18: To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
  • 2003-10-18: #define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb))
    -- William Shakespeare
  • 2003-10-18: The C Programming Language -- A language that combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language.
  • 2003-10-18: Error: no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
  • 2003-10-18: Bad command or file name. Hang your head in shame.
  • 2003-10-18: MS is trying to add some humor into its error messages. Example: Three things are certain in life -- Taxes, death, and data loss. Guess which has just occurred?
  • 2003-10-18: Cannot delete tmp150---3.tmp: There is not enough free disk space. Delete one or more files to free disk space, and then try again.
  • 2003-10-18: Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
  • 2003-10-18: Your mouse has moved. Windows must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [OK]
  • 2003-10-18: Real Programmers never document. If it was hard to code, it should be hard to understand.
  • 2003-10-18: "I think Not!" said Descartes, and promptly disappeared
  • 2003-10-18: "Idiot-Proofing" assumes a finite number of idiots.
  • 2003-10-18: "Intel Inside": The world's most widely used warning label.
  • 2003-10-18: I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
  • 2003-10-18: *POLICE TAGLINE DO NOT CROSS*POLICE TAGLINE DO NOT CROSS*
  • 2003-10-18: 2 rules for success: #1 Don't tell everything you know..
  • 2003-10-18: All opinions are my own, my company wants no part of them.
  • 2003-10-18: A child of 5 could understand this! Fetch me a child of 5.
  • 2003-10-18: A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
  • 2003-10-18: A day without sunshine is like ... night.
  • 2003-10-18: A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  • 2003-10-18: A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a lot of explanation.
  • 2003-10-18: A polar bear is simply a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
  • 2003-10-18: AAcckk!! II''mm iinn hhaallff dduupplleexx!!
  • 2003-10-18: Admit it -- you expected to see a copyright notice here.
  • 2003-10-18: Alzheimer's advantage #2: Hiding your own Easter eggs
  • 2003-10-18: Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
  • 2003-10-18: And then Adam said, "What's a headache?"
  • 2003-10-18: As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing!
  • 2003-10-18: Aunt Em: Hate Kansas. Hate you. Took dog.
    -- Dorothy
  • 2003-10-18: Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.
  • 2003-10-18: Boeing: The sound a plane makes when it hits the ground
  • 2003-10-18: Bread (n.): Raw toast.
  • 2003-10-18: But I thought YOU did the backups...
  • 2003-10-18: Chocolate coat them words. You'll be eating them later.
  • 2003-10-18: Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular
  • 2003-10-18: Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.
  • 2003-10-18: Computer programmers wanted - Some assembly required.
  • 2003-10-18: Culture is roughly everything we do that chimpanzees don't.
  • 2003-10-18: Daddy, what does "78% of C: formatted" mean?
  • 2003-10-18: Delusion: YUGO owner who buys "The Club!"
  • 2003-10-18: Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  • 2003-10-18: Documentation - The worst part of programming.
  • 2003-10-18: DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"...
  • 2003-10-18: Error: No Keyboard: Press F1 to Continue.
  • 2003-10-18: Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither have I...
  • 2003-10-18: Famous last words: Lightning can't hit us at this dist...
  • 2003-10-18: Floggings will continue until morale improves.
  • 2003-10-18: Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
  • 2003-10-18: For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
  • 2003-10-18: FOR SALE: One Parachute, Never Opened, Small Stain
  • 2003-10-18: Generic Tagline: [ ] Humorous [ ] Insightful [x] Stupid
  • 2003-10-18: Go ahead, jump. 100,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
  • 2003-10-18: Have you ever wished you could download a pizza?
  • 2003-10-18: I don't get even, I get odder.
  • 2003-10-18: I don't have a solution but I really admire the problem.
  • 2003-10-18: I had a life once... Now I have a computer.
  • 2003-10-18: I think ... therefore I am overqualified.
  • 2003-10-18: I would agree with you... if you were right.
  • 2003-10-18: If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment
  • 2003-10-18: If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • 2003-10-18: If at first you don't succeed, put out another version.
  • 2003-10-18: If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
  • 2003-10-18: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker to come along would have annihiliated civilization.
  • 2003-10-18: If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  • 2003-10-18: If you wish to know more, press CTRL-ALT-DEL
  • 2003-10-18: Illiterate? ... Write for FREE help.
  • 2003-10-18: It doesn't take much to make a woman happy, but it takes more than is contained in heaven and earth to keep her that way.
  • 2003-10-18: It is better to know useless things than to know nothing.
  • 2003-10-18: Know drunk you are when Yoda you sound like, hmm?
  • 2003-10-18: Never argue with a woman when she's tired or rested.
  • 2003-10-18: Never assume conspiracy where stupidity will suffice.
  • 2003-10-18: Old School: BBS Tip #45: ALT-H gives you SysOp access!
  • 2003-10-18: Politically Incorrect and proud of it...
  • 2003-10-18: Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
  • 2003-10-18: Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
  • 2003-10-18: Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
  • 2003-10-18: Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
  • 2003-10-18: Psychic convention canceled due to unforeseen problems.
  • 2003-10-18: Psychic midget escapes prison. Small medium at large.
  • 2003-10-18: Sex! Lies! Drugs! Money! Power! Corruption! Gosh, it makes me want to run for Congress!
  • 2003-10-18: Thank you for calling 911, our office hours are from ...
  • 2003-10-18: The end of the world is nea!@#$%^NO CARRIER
  • 2003-10-18: This tagline is umop apisdn.
  • 2003-10-18: This tagline made from 100% recycled electrons.
  • 2003-10-18: What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
  • 2003-10-18: Why can't women raise the toilet seat back up??
  • 2003-10-18: Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
  • 2003-10-18: Windows isn't crippleware: it's "Functionally Challenged"
  • 2003-10-18: Yes, I admit it. I do steal Taglines.
  • 2003-10-18: Yes, I'm weird. So what?
  • 2003-10-18: You can stop reading the message now.
  • 2003-10-18: You learn something useless every day.
  • 2003-10-18: You non-conformists are all alike.
  • 2003-10-18: You're twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.
The "57" on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had. Tyler Akins! <>
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